Now straight away from the title, if this sounds like you, welcome to our family! I recently told someone to “exhale” before opening a heavy sliding door. Similarly, our lovely director was caught in the young hours of the morning pumping her hundred arms mid-slumber. An addiction is not healthy but hey, at least it’s something like fitness!

Here are 5 signs you are well and truly a Pilates addict – call for help NOW!

1. You ignore the DOMS! Delayed onset muscle soreness is that day after or two-day after pain in your muscles. The bitch that makes healthy people walk like they’ve spent the whole of last week horse-riding. If this reflexive soreness is reflexively ignored by you and you whip out your device to book another class you’ve hit step 1, congrats.
2. You see your machine more than your own family. If the phrases “3 red, 1 blue, straps on, hands and knees” make you engage your core honey, you’re either re-enacting “50 shades of Grey” or your Pilates reformer is your trusty best friend.
3. The postman knows you do pilates. Now, whether he has been noticing the difference or you’ve been telling everyone including him, Pilates may have just become your religion. And if your friend Denise has denied your offer to join the studio for the third time, let her go, we appreciate it and we are flattered. She’s offended.
4. You know the detailed inner workings of the instructor’s lives. You remember who we were dating three months ago (we don’t even remember who it was last week!!), kids birthdays, our issues with home internet – the list is endless. Let’s be honest, some classes are more of a workout for our mouths than our bodies.
5. You didn’t even need to read this blog entry to know that this rosé fuelled word vomit was going to be a commentary on your life. But, the plus side of this is that we are so happy to have you in our Pilates family. Great clients who love this exercise method as much as we do make us feel a little less like we are Pilates ‘crazies’. Personally, I’ve made some amazing life-long friends from what was just supposed to be weekend money to put me through uni. Our lives are richer for the people and our bodies and minds are richer from what we share in these walls.

but seriously, that day-after pain is enough to make anyone reach for the bottle. But on an honest note to end, in a rapidly spinning world full of scary people and speeding figures, it’s easy to get swept up in something that starts to take over your life. If you’re needing help please never hesitate to reach out to someone around you. Even your instructor may know more than you think.

Said rosé drinker: Isaac Campbell.